a space of stillness

after a long week, we finally got to north carolina to see the kids.  and it has been a beautiful thing.  hugging these kids and seeing these mountains! these smoky mountains- these blue smokey mountains.  here, is stillness. soul stillness, leaves rustling in the wind-stillness, tree frog chirping-stillness.  clouds moving slowly over mountains-stillness.  sun slowly setting and heat giving way to cool- stillness.  this place for me creates space- and in that space i can be still.  and that is needed, especially in this season of upheaval, of dismantling.  

yesterday i sat in our nearly empty house- our quiet childless house with my life covered in scraps of blue tape saying 'sold' or '15$'. it was weird.  a lot of friends showed up, and random people rummaging through our stuff -bargaining for a cheaper price on things we picked out once, then walking away wearing me, walking on me, drinking me,  having my children's art on their walls. purge.

today i went to our church for the last time.  surrounded by people who i love.  singing songs that i love.  in a community that i will not see for a long time.  because in five days..... five days......

lately i've been thinking about the short sentence that was the founding prayer of 'world vision',

"God, let my heart be broken by the things that break Your heart."

and i share this prayer. 
may i be softened by the brokenness in the world, and not hardened by my brokenness.
may i never become callous to the suffering of others.
may i not turn away, because it's uncomfortable, because it's ugly, because there is risk.
may i move into that space of transformation, may i be part of it, may i love the way you love, may i not be afraid, or at least not limited by my fear.
may i live in this.

that prayer kind of sums it all up for me.  it sums up why we are getting on that plane on friday.  it explains the upheaval and the dismantling.  that is the space we want to be living in.  that is a space of peace and stillness.

even when these soft blue mountains are far from me.
so joyfully excited!!