goodbye mr. w

it is cool here in the evening and now the sun is setting in bright pink stripes across the sky- over dark trees- over quiet.  my fan blows from the window.  my stomach full from dinner.  my day full of old friends and old places. 

it was my night to make dinner for the three families and as things were wrapping up- the fish done- the cookies ready to go in the oven, my phone rang and it was mr. w.  well, no, it was his son- but they have they same name and they are both in my 'contacts' list on my iphone- so when i got the call- i paused because there was mr. w's name- on my phone. 

he wanted to make sure i knew his dad has passed.  he wanted to make sure i knew that he had been  there- all night with his dad- that he'd said goodbye- that he'd held his hand- that his dad has seen the grandkids- had called his siblings and his mom- that he'd had enough strength to do those things.  he wanted to tell me that he'd heard how much i loved his dad, that he appreciated me- that his dad had too- that i meant something in his life.  and i was able to say 'thank you'- to tell him how much his dad had meant to me- how happy i was for their reunion- how rare it is to see the redemption- to see that bond formed after 25 years of absence- to see the gifts they'd given each other. 

he said he might want to call me later- to check in- to keep up.  he knows i'm moving to uganda next month.  he knows i'll be far.

i got off the phone- to tend to the rice and the cauliflower.  i was so happy to have those moments on the phone with him- that he'd remembered me and called- that he'd thought to share the end of his dads life with me.  and then i realized that i never really said 'goodbye' to mr. w.  i said 'i'll see you'.  i said, 'go on and get to the hospital'.  i said, ' they'll take good care of you.'  i said, 'you 'll get some good food and that fluid off your belly.'  but i never said, ' mr. w- i won't see you again- mr. w 'thank you' - mr. w ' good bye.'

the pink is gone from the sky now.  it's shades of blue- some clouds - some last light at the edges. stillness.  i put zoe to bed and asked her what she wanted to pray for.  she said, "mr. w".  i told her he'd passed today- that he was gone.  she asked me if i'd cried.  i said, 'no'.  she asked me if i was crying in my heart- and i said yes.  then she told me she wanted to pray for his son - that he'd be happy, anyway, despite, that he'd find joy.  so that was her prayer.  and that tonight, was mine. 

goodbye mr. w- and thank you- you were loved- you will be missed- and in my heart- i'm crying for you.