the girl on the trike

it's a strange time. and there is so much of it. i thought i'd be able to write. a lot. every day. back to how it used to be.
but.
instead of output, i've been quieted. held in thought. collecting things. observing. curious. about this strange strange time, the whats and hows and whens and whys of it. i've been trying not to go narrow on these questions in the darkness but to hold my arms open to the greater whole. to keep the perspective broad. 'everyone is going through some version of this, mine is a very blessed version actually, how can i help my universal neighbor today?'

my immediate neighbors are my 4 kids and mike. zoe is home! 5th, 7th, 9th and a full special education curriculum are definitely challenging-  in good ways and there is so much blessing in being able to see their minds working and how they each learn and don't learn and what works for them as individuals. to be able to spend time asking hard questions with them and listen to them figure out their answers, to give them the freedom to speak their truth and not just provide the answer they think the teacher is expecting- it makes you want to keep homeschooling.  i don't think my kids would agree.

today was the first sunny day in what feels like forever and my dear friend neeli had given zoe an adult sized trike, so today was the perfect day to try it out. zoe has never learned to ride a 2 wheeler. she has balance issues and motor planning issues and the two combined just made it too hard. it was another thing she couldn't do which always made me sad. at her new school, they have trikes and she had learned to ride one and really liked it - so when my friend said she had one and wanted to give it to zoe, i was thrilled. so was zoe.

mike got the trike in the car and zoe got the helmet and we headed off to a flat trail that runs through the woods.

it was amazing.

she started off near a big puddle and the brakes were a bit shaky but she figured out she could slow down by not peddling. she got the hang of the steering and to stay on one side of the trail. she could go fast and make us run after her which she loved. "this is so much better than walking or running!" she said.

for 2 and a half miles we could forget about corona virus.
we could hear birds and feel sunshine and see only a handful  of people walk or bike by, mostly without masks.
for 2 and a half miles we watched our girl experience a childhood joy that she hadn't ever had in her 20 years!
for 2 and a half miles - life felt normal. or as normal as it could for us. our version of normal. 

it was delicious.

i watched the people that walked by as they would take a second look at an adult on her trike (who also happened to be talking loudly about animal facts from "wild kratts").  i know those faces so well. but i think i interpret them differently now. the kids looks are curious or confused, kind of like they are really wanting to ask if she never learned to ride a 2-wheeler, combined with a look of relief that they've passed that milestone or are on their way to.

the adults give a look of what i feel like now is solidarity. like, i'm glad she's got this. it must feel good. the look is saying, "she seems good with it, you seem good with it, we are good with it."  and to that, i give zoe the credit. she is the girl on the trike shouting out facts about fennec foxes and not afraid to ask for a push if she needs it. she would have no problem if those kids did ask her about trying to ride a 2 wheeler- she'd tell them. 

watching zoe over 20 years has changed me. for the better. seeing her become, and loving her so deeply and enjoying her so much- there is no room for anything else.