we are in this strange season which is sitting in a crazy time in the world. we've been back in the country we love for almost 3 months- that's all. pictures finally on the walls, classes being taught, projects being designed, medical license finally through the bureaucratic process and we are finding that we have to go again. not for long, but still.
there is unfinished business with rose's papers. and there is zoe, sweet zoe and the closing of her school because of coronavirus. the world has gone mad. everything is all topsy-turvy on top of a season which for us is brand new. we are trying to get used to living 8000 miles away from our girl who has been fairly dependent on us for 20 years. trying to see what life feels like with an ocean between us. asking the questions, is it possible? is it good for her? is it good for us? could this become normal? asking the questions, what do we want our life to look like? her life to look like? why does it seem God has asked two things of us that don't fit together? maybe we are mishearing?
right now the tree frogs are chirping, there are car horns honking in the back ground, the night breeze is cool through the screen and the sun has set leaving a pink streak behind the shadowed treetops. above it the sky darkens to blue. i don't want to go. my heart is tugging and reaching back behind for something to grab onto. 'but we just got here!' i can hear her thump loudly. 'but i don't want to!' thumping louder still. quietly the God voice inside of me speaks back, I know. it's not forever. it's not even for long. trust me. this? this is part of the season. this is part of the plan. of the new normal. of figuring out what it will look like. it's part of gathering your team. finding the players. those who can support you. and zoe. those who will be needed later. I've got this.
the other day my friend and i went for coffee and talked about my going and the seasons and the feelings around it all. i said i was questioning my ability to hear God because i said, God feels so quiet. she told me that she had a word for me. God's got this. God is with you in the storm. then she reminded me about the story of Jesus and his disciples in the boat. a huge storm came and they were terrified and Jesus was completely asleep in the back of the boat. the disciples couldn't understand why he was sleeping? how could he be sleeping during this massive storm that was causing them so much fear and distress. finally they woke him up and asked him, "don't you care if we drown?" He calms the storm and says, "why are you afraid? do you still have no faith?"
she told me that God cares. that His silence is not a lack of presence or a lack of caring. we see the the storm and have no idea how it will go, we feel the wind and the boat beneath shake and we are terrified- but Jesus knows that it takes one word. He lifts His hand. the waters still.
we were headed to my favorite store so i could buy a carry on bag for the airplane. i had one in mind that i'd seen before and when we got there, i read the tag describing how the bag is made. it is made from recycled old Dhow sails from wooden sailboats that sailed along the east african coastline.
"this is it!" my friend said. "this is Your bag. this is about Jesus being present in the sailboat and in your life during the storms! just like in the story! i'm buying this bag for you." and my beautiful friend did.
such a treasure. all of it. her friendship. this bag. the reminder of Jesus having us so assuredly that He can sleep in the back of the boat during the storm. even the storms, which when they don't destroy us, grow us, challenge and teach us, bring us together. remind us. strengthen our faith.
tomorrow we fly. i will climb on that plane with my sail-bag and my story and God dwelling in me. deeply thankful that my family is together and will be fully together soon for a little while anyway in this crazy world, in this new and strange season.
and then soon, we will return.
there is unfinished business with rose's papers. and there is zoe, sweet zoe and the closing of her school because of coronavirus. the world has gone mad. everything is all topsy-turvy on top of a season which for us is brand new. we are trying to get used to living 8000 miles away from our girl who has been fairly dependent on us for 20 years. trying to see what life feels like with an ocean between us. asking the questions, is it possible? is it good for her? is it good for us? could this become normal? asking the questions, what do we want our life to look like? her life to look like? why does it seem God has asked two things of us that don't fit together? maybe we are mishearing?
right now the tree frogs are chirping, there are car horns honking in the back ground, the night breeze is cool through the screen and the sun has set leaving a pink streak behind the shadowed treetops. above it the sky darkens to blue. i don't want to go. my heart is tugging and reaching back behind for something to grab onto. 'but we just got here!' i can hear her thump loudly. 'but i don't want to!' thumping louder still. quietly the God voice inside of me speaks back, I know. it's not forever. it's not even for long. trust me. this? this is part of the season. this is part of the plan. of the new normal. of figuring out what it will look like. it's part of gathering your team. finding the players. those who can support you. and zoe. those who will be needed later. I've got this.
the other day my friend and i went for coffee and talked about my going and the seasons and the feelings around it all. i said i was questioning my ability to hear God because i said, God feels so quiet. she told me that she had a word for me. God's got this. God is with you in the storm. then she reminded me about the story of Jesus and his disciples in the boat. a huge storm came and they were terrified and Jesus was completely asleep in the back of the boat. the disciples couldn't understand why he was sleeping? how could he be sleeping during this massive storm that was causing them so much fear and distress. finally they woke him up and asked him, "don't you care if we drown?" He calms the storm and says, "why are you afraid? do you still have no faith?"
she told me that God cares. that His silence is not a lack of presence or a lack of caring. we see the the storm and have no idea how it will go, we feel the wind and the boat beneath shake and we are terrified- but Jesus knows that it takes one word. He lifts His hand. the waters still.
we were headed to my favorite store so i could buy a carry on bag for the airplane. i had one in mind that i'd seen before and when we got there, i read the tag describing how the bag is made. it is made from recycled old Dhow sails from wooden sailboats that sailed along the east african coastline.
"this is it!" my friend said. "this is Your bag. this is about Jesus being present in the sailboat and in your life during the storms! just like in the story! i'm buying this bag for you." and my beautiful friend did.
such a treasure. all of it. her friendship. this bag. the reminder of Jesus having us so assuredly that He can sleep in the back of the boat during the storm. even the storms, which when they don't destroy us, grow us, challenge and teach us, bring us together. remind us. strengthen our faith.
tomorrow we fly. i will climb on that plane with my sail-bag and my story and God dwelling in me. deeply thankful that my family is together and will be fully together soon for a little while anyway in this crazy world, in this new and strange season.
and then soon, we will return.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.