sometimes when i'm feeling particularly bleak, or sorry for myself, or that things are absolutely taking too long to go the way i want them to, i remember the israelites. i have a vision of them wandered about in a desert for 40 years following a cloud by day and a pillar of light by night. i see them eating the bread-like substance that they found on the ground that morning and aren't allowed to save for later, but rather have to trust that more will be there the next day. i picture their lack of permanence, their unknown, their questioning of their identity. i imagine their doubt.
because i know mine.
they lived each day in the space of that day only. their job, their goal, their purpose during that very long season was trust and obedience really -and more trust.
trust that God was who He said He was. trust that there was a promised land.
trust that they were being guided there. not led around in circles in the desert. not following random clouds or lights. trust that God's promises are real and happen in His time. even though. even if. even when it's 40 years.
gulp.
sometimes i see
darkness.
the cold and bitter air. those dry, bone-like scraping tree tops poking at the sky. and the pale hollow sky itself. it is everything but lush. everything but green and red and light. all my longing for those opposites leave me only able to see silence and void.
in the nights i wrestle. i am often reminded that i wasn't put on this earth for the purpose of being 'happy', but to seek and know God. that process sometimes brings me through dark spots and barren places, but knowing God brings real joy, and i want to share it, where ever i am. i don't want to long and pine and be miserable and to only see the silence and the scraping branches.
i think while wandering in the desert, the manna was much more than food. it was hope. it revealed that his promises are good, they are new every morning. there is still hope in that promised land - we can believe.
maybe the manna was enough.
today my manna was reflecting with a friend on how far zoe has come. because she asked and so i paused and really answered and in that i could hear all the things that she is doing now that one year ago weren't on the table.
today my manna was in the words of my dear friend beatrice from across the world who shared her reading about living our life where we are, being obedient in whatever desert we are wandering in.
hope. sustenance. enough. enough for today.
because i know mine.
they lived each day in the space of that day only. their job, their goal, their purpose during that very long season was trust and obedience really -and more trust.
trust that God was who He said He was. trust that there was a promised land.
trust that they were being guided there. not led around in circles in the desert. not following random clouds or lights. trust that God's promises are real and happen in His time. even though. even if. even when it's 40 years.
gulp.
sometimes i see
darkness.
the cold and bitter air. those dry, bone-like scraping tree tops poking at the sky. and the pale hollow sky itself. it is everything but lush. everything but green and red and light. all my longing for those opposites leave me only able to see silence and void.
in the nights i wrestle. i am often reminded that i wasn't put on this earth for the purpose of being 'happy', but to seek and know God. that process sometimes brings me through dark spots and barren places, but knowing God brings real joy, and i want to share it, where ever i am. i don't want to long and pine and be miserable and to only see the silence and the scraping branches.
i think while wandering in the desert, the manna was much more than food. it was hope. it revealed that his promises are good, they are new every morning. there is still hope in that promised land - we can believe.
maybe the manna was enough.
today my manna was reflecting with a friend on how far zoe has come. because she asked and so i paused and really answered and in that i could hear all the things that she is doing now that one year ago weren't on the table.
today my manna was in the words of my dear friend beatrice from across the world who shared her reading about living our life where we are, being obedient in whatever desert we are wandering in.
hope. sustenance. enough. enough for today.
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