sitting in the house. so hot. fan on. seeing photos of other peoples lives in places where i used to live.
i can hear the crunch of the snow when i walk, or the sloppy sound of slush as it melts. the cold biting air. the slip of the ice beneath the dusting. i remember.
yesterday i read an article about suffering and choices. it was talking about how suffering is a part of life, a large part for many, but we treat it like it's a surprise. an injustice. an anomaly rather than the norm. it was talking about the value of recognizing the truth which is that suffering is part of being human. and from that truth not wasting time being surprised by it, but instead use it to unite us with each other. the universality of suffering can bind us together rather than set us apart in isolation.
amen.
yesterday zoe was driving me crazy. terrible PMS. (in luganda you can add -enene to a noun and it changes it to mean huge or a lot). it was PMS-enene. from my crazy i struggle to access compassion. it was four pm and she STILL had not taken a shower. i had managed to get her into the bathroom and could hear her talking to herself about why she didn't want to take a shower and how much she hated me and no one understood her and blah blah blah.
i went into my bathroom and talked to God about how much i didn't want to be dealing with this and how much i felt strong negative feelings about her and how really no one understands me and blah blah blah. i thought how nice it would be to take a bath with some music and some candles and just try to relax from my overly stressful life. why don't you offer to draw a bath for zoe instead. is what God said. really?? is what i said. have compassion for her stressed out life which you don't think is stress-worthy, just like i have compassion for you in your .....umm.. stress. as usual, He was right.
so i offered to get a bath ready for her. to help her with her hair. to decompress her day. to acknowledge that her stress and anxiety is real even if i dont' understand it. that she deserves compassion and love, just as i do.
really?? is what she said. and then "no thanks, i think i'd rather take a shower."
so i climbed in the tub and soaked with my snowflake Christmas candle and i think vance joy singing again, and thought about how compassion soothes suffering. it reaches and touches and validates it. it speaks into the middle of it, saying you're not alone in this desolate place which is your emotional world right now. it says 'i'm here too'. it says 'i love you anyway and even though and no matter what'. compassion brings us together .
zoe often feels overwhelmed by her life. torn and chewed up by things that i don't understand. i can't identify with the link between the feeling with the cause but i can understand the feeling. i can understand suffering. on some level. for some reason. as can you. as can we all.
when our days or our lives have ripped us, if we left torn or broken, is it possible to: “reincorporate your version of reality, of normalcy, to accommodate suffering.” BJ Miller ? from there, we remember we are not alone. from there we can reach out to another. and let it bring us closer together not farther apart.
i can hear the crunch of the snow when i walk, or the sloppy sound of slush as it melts. the cold biting air. the slip of the ice beneath the dusting. i remember.
yesterday i read an article about suffering and choices. it was talking about how suffering is a part of life, a large part for many, but we treat it like it's a surprise. an injustice. an anomaly rather than the norm. it was talking about the value of recognizing the truth which is that suffering is part of being human. and from that truth not wasting time being surprised by it, but instead use it to unite us with each other. the universality of suffering can bind us together rather than set us apart in isolation.
amen.
yesterday zoe was driving me crazy. terrible PMS. (in luganda you can add -enene to a noun and it changes it to mean huge or a lot). it was PMS-enene. from my crazy i struggle to access compassion. it was four pm and she STILL had not taken a shower. i had managed to get her into the bathroom and could hear her talking to herself about why she didn't want to take a shower and how much she hated me and no one understood her and blah blah blah.
i went into my bathroom and talked to God about how much i didn't want to be dealing with this and how much i felt strong negative feelings about her and how really no one understands me and blah blah blah. i thought how nice it would be to take a bath with some music and some candles and just try to relax from my overly stressful life. why don't you offer to draw a bath for zoe instead. is what God said. really?? is what i said. have compassion for her stressed out life which you don't think is stress-worthy, just like i have compassion for you in your .....umm.. stress. as usual, He was right.
so i offered to get a bath ready for her. to help her with her hair. to decompress her day. to acknowledge that her stress and anxiety is real even if i dont' understand it. that she deserves compassion and love, just as i do.
really?? is what she said. and then "no thanks, i think i'd rather take a shower."
so i climbed in the tub and soaked with my snowflake Christmas candle and i think vance joy singing again, and thought about how compassion soothes suffering. it reaches and touches and validates it. it speaks into the middle of it, saying you're not alone in this desolate place which is your emotional world right now. it says 'i'm here too'. it says 'i love you anyway and even though and no matter what'. compassion brings us together .
zoe often feels overwhelmed by her life. torn and chewed up by things that i don't understand. i can't identify with the link between the feeling with the cause but i can understand the feeling. i can understand suffering. on some level. for some reason. as can you. as can we all.
when our days or our lives have ripped us, if we left torn or broken, is it possible to: “reincorporate your version of reality, of normalcy, to accommodate suffering.” BJ Miller ? from there, we remember we are not alone. from there we can reach out to another. and let it bring us closer together not farther apart.
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