jewel the sheep

it's raining and so cold and i'm outside on the porch loving it- hoping it will stay for a little a while.  because it helps. because it feels like many other mid-novembers in my life, and sometimes you need to feel your past and hold on to it.  sometimes you need to remember. you need to be quiet and hear only the rain falling and know that it brings life and newness. 

i've been thinking about restoration.  restoration and sheep.

jewel the sheep

there is a sheep named jewel who lives at my friend zoe's place.  i love jewel.  jewel makes me happy.  there is something about sheep, and jewel is everything a sheep should be.  she is fluffy and cute.  she appears calm cool and complacent when you are far - but she is suspicious and jittery at approach. she seems both in her place, but lost and wondering.  i think jewel might be wondering where the other sheep are because she is the only one at zoe's.  i think she is puzzled, so in response she has befriended the rabbits who seem to enjoy her company.  but despite her possible confusion, there is something peaceful about jewel the sheep. there is something about her that i resonate with.

tonight i'm hosting our womens fellowship.  we have been talking on the different names for God.  God is many things and has many names but two of my favorites are Jehovah Rohe, God as our shepherd,  and Jehovah Rapha, God as our healer.  i'm really only supposed to share about one name- but i think i'm going to talk about both- because they seem related to me.

i love this from anne lamott: If I were going to begin practicing the presence of God for the first time today, it would help to begin by admitting the three most terrible truths of our existence: that we are so ruined, and so loved, and in charge of so little.

the last part is the sheep part- in charge of so little. 

i am wandering through this life.  sheep- like really.  i may think i have it together. i may fool you into thinking i have it together- but i don't.  i am pretty much in constant need of guiding and prodding.  i'm often in need of being yanked out of a ditch, or found when i have become lost. i need to be led.  i need to be known by name and loved despite.  i need this Shepherd.  this One who gathers.  this One who holds together.  this One who seeks for the strays.  this One who is committed and present.  this One who knows me and loves me anyway- this One who welcomes my limitations and dependence.

the first part is about the healing: so ruined.

so broken. so in need of mending. and there is God- naming herself the healer- the restorer of broken things.  if there is one thing i know about life- it's that it breaks you, and if it hasn't then it will.  but then there is this amazing incredible beautiful thing- God is in the business of putting us back together again.  this is Her great joy.  making things new. making beauty from disaster.  turning it around for good.  wow.  the story of God is full of stories of people who mess. it. up. big-time. but experience the grace.  but know forgiveness. but are healed and restored and used to do great things.  things that go on to bless other people. and that is hope, because we are never given up on. we don't run out of chances.  because we are healed- renewed- brought back.

the middle part is what links them together: so loved.

it's because we are so loved- that we are led, and attended to, and guided, watched over- and healed.  it is because we are so deeply loved that we are not abandoned, not left in bits, not even stuck trying to do any of it on our own.  out of this healing shepherd love comes the hope that gets me up in the morning- even when. even if.  even despite.  even though.  even feeling whole or in parts or together or scrambled.  it is because of this great love.

now, it is still raining and green and i only wish that i had jewel the sheep at my house right now milling around and reminding me of who i really am and who i'm not, and keeping me thankful for the shepherd, the restorer of broken things.

 













we need a theology of brokenness.  we need a theology which teaches us that even though we cannot unscramble an egg, God's grace lets us live happily and with renewed innocence far beyond any egg we may have scrambled. 


ronald rolheiser.