oh dear.
no really.
how a day that started so well, could have dissolved into the mess that was this evening, is puzzling and yes, concerning. because it started with a spa day with my girls. so there was lots of time to talk and have coffee and lunch and talk more and now i have really clean feet and nice nails too. i mean it was great. i felt revived, and was even able to push the fact that they will all be gone in 2 months, out of my mind.
the only problem was that i'm pretty sure i've cracked a rib coughing, so all day i've had a good amount of pain, especially with moving, laughing, and of course, coughing. by the time i got home with the kids, the pain was bad and i had no ability to tolerate....well.....anything. i just wanted to lie down with a hot water bottle. i did not want to cajole three kids to do their homework. i did not want to make dinner. i did not want to walk the dog. i did not want to deal with the insane meowing kitten, or the 9 pairs of shoes that were scattered all over the living room (because there were friends over), or listen to the kids who belonged to those 9 pairs of shoes.
but.
instead of retreating, i listened to zoe's 'teenage drama' (as she calls it). but i didn't listen well. i heard her, more than i listened, and then i began to tell her what i really thought about why she's having teenage drama, and that if she'd just chose to hang out with the girls who like her instead of the ones who don't, maybe she'd be happier. it was not a great moment.
i did homework with jude, okay i gave him instructions for the written work, and then tested his spelling words. even with the hot water bottle on my chest, i had no skills with his whining over why he needed to know how to spell 'saucepan' and how impossible was 'australia'.
by the time it came to bryn, i told him i didn't know either how he should write a 5 line poem using his spelling words and when he wouldn't stop running around, i said that even though he was six, he'd better make a choice about doing his homework or not, because it wasn't me who was going to disappoint the teacher (an argument that would only work on bryn-but really should be reserved for older children, don't you think?)
in the middle of this, i cooked eggs to quiet that whining cat, and soon i see zoe outside 'playing' with her, it turns out she was eating the eggs with the cat, out of the dirty cat food dish. oh dear.
i just got crabbier.
during dinner, which included, left over chicken, cooked veg and more eggs, we had unexpected visitors and as i was on the porch with them, and the needy dog, the kids decided to break into a singing game, resulting in the breaking of several meal time rules, like: no singing at the table, no talking with your mouthful, and the one of focusing on eating. instead of rolling with it, i put a stop to the chanting and told them to eat. zoe just couldn't, she couldn't resist the rhyming and the laughing, but i was so done. so i grabbed her by the shirt and moved her into the kitchen to eat alone. when she started on her third chorus of "but can't i have a second chance?" i just lost it and now comes the highlight of my day......... i ripped my tank top completely in half. as in, i actually tore my clothes, (the next step being to put on sack cloth and ashes and make it biblical.) rose walked in to the kitchen, as i'm standing in my shredded shirt, "mommmy? did you just rip yo' shurt?" how do you explain that? oh dear. (the possible worst part is that i LOVED that tank top!)
i just wanted to talk to mike, and i couldn't reach him. i just kept thinking about the next 2 weeks and i began to panic inside. if this day, day 2 of him being away, day after a good long time of relaxing with friends, had turned into this? oh. dear.
then i smelled some very strong menthol from the bathroom where rose and bryn were brushing teeth. there is rosie rubbing her hands together and up and down her arms, covered in infrazone sports balm, thankfully she didn't stick her hands in her eyes, but she had almost brushed her teeth with it. doh!
at bedtime i had to apologize to everyone. at bedtime the prayers were about forgiveness, as in, me asking God for it too. i told them i would try harder tomorrow. rose said her 'haya (hair)' hurt like my ribs (she'd just had it plated) her way of telling me that she understood. jude prayed that my ribs would get better, and said that it's extra hard when i'm crabby and dads away. tell me about it. bryn didn't demand a song because of said rib pain, but did give a good snuggle. i found zoe out. asleep, exhausted, fully dressed, in her bed. perhaps the only right decision i made all day, was to leave her there sleeping, kiss her and whisper i'm sorry.
i think tomorrow will be better.
my goal is not to rip my clothes.
i think i can do it.
no really.
how a day that started so well, could have dissolved into the mess that was this evening, is puzzling and yes, concerning. because it started with a spa day with my girls. so there was lots of time to talk and have coffee and lunch and talk more and now i have really clean feet and nice nails too. i mean it was great. i felt revived, and was even able to push the fact that they will all be gone in 2 months, out of my mind.
the only problem was that i'm pretty sure i've cracked a rib coughing, so all day i've had a good amount of pain, especially with moving, laughing, and of course, coughing. by the time i got home with the kids, the pain was bad and i had no ability to tolerate....well.....anything. i just wanted to lie down with a hot water bottle. i did not want to cajole three kids to do their homework. i did not want to make dinner. i did not want to walk the dog. i did not want to deal with the insane meowing kitten, or the 9 pairs of shoes that were scattered all over the living room (because there were friends over), or listen to the kids who belonged to those 9 pairs of shoes.
but.
instead of retreating, i listened to zoe's 'teenage drama' (as she calls it). but i didn't listen well. i heard her, more than i listened, and then i began to tell her what i really thought about why she's having teenage drama, and that if she'd just chose to hang out with the girls who like her instead of the ones who don't, maybe she'd be happier. it was not a great moment.
i did homework with jude, okay i gave him instructions for the written work, and then tested his spelling words. even with the hot water bottle on my chest, i had no skills with his whining over why he needed to know how to spell 'saucepan' and how impossible was 'australia'.
by the time it came to bryn, i told him i didn't know either how he should write a 5 line poem using his spelling words and when he wouldn't stop running around, i said that even though he was six, he'd better make a choice about doing his homework or not, because it wasn't me who was going to disappoint the teacher (an argument that would only work on bryn-but really should be reserved for older children, don't you think?)
in the middle of this, i cooked eggs to quiet that whining cat, and soon i see zoe outside 'playing' with her, it turns out she was eating the eggs with the cat, out of the dirty cat food dish. oh dear.
i just got crabbier.
during dinner, which included, left over chicken, cooked veg and more eggs, we had unexpected visitors and as i was on the porch with them, and the needy dog, the kids decided to break into a singing game, resulting in the breaking of several meal time rules, like: no singing at the table, no talking with your mouthful, and the one of focusing on eating. instead of rolling with it, i put a stop to the chanting and told them to eat. zoe just couldn't, she couldn't resist the rhyming and the laughing, but i was so done. so i grabbed her by the shirt and moved her into the kitchen to eat alone. when she started on her third chorus of "but can't i have a second chance?" i just lost it and now comes the highlight of my day......... i ripped my tank top completely in half. as in, i actually tore my clothes, (the next step being to put on sack cloth and ashes and make it biblical.) rose walked in to the kitchen, as i'm standing in my shredded shirt, "mommmy? did you just rip yo' shurt?" how do you explain that? oh dear. (the possible worst part is that i LOVED that tank top!)
i just wanted to talk to mike, and i couldn't reach him. i just kept thinking about the next 2 weeks and i began to panic inside. if this day, day 2 of him being away, day after a good long time of relaxing with friends, had turned into this? oh. dear.
then i smelled some very strong menthol from the bathroom where rose and bryn were brushing teeth. there is rosie rubbing her hands together and up and down her arms, covered in infrazone sports balm, thankfully she didn't stick her hands in her eyes, but she had almost brushed her teeth with it. doh!
at bedtime i had to apologize to everyone. at bedtime the prayers were about forgiveness, as in, me asking God for it too. i told them i would try harder tomorrow. rose said her 'haya (hair)' hurt like my ribs (she'd just had it plated) her way of telling me that she understood. jude prayed that my ribs would get better, and said that it's extra hard when i'm crabby and dads away. tell me about it. bryn didn't demand a song because of said rib pain, but did give a good snuggle. i found zoe out. asleep, exhausted, fully dressed, in her bed. perhaps the only right decision i made all day, was to leave her there sleeping, kiss her and whisper i'm sorry.
i think tomorrow will be better.
my goal is not to rip my clothes.
i think i can do it.
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