today i felt the grace.
i awoke to mike whispering 'good bye' and saying a short prayer, then i fell back asleep to the rain. then in came rose and jude, i could hear the whining of the puppy, and more rain.
i breathed, 'help' before stepping out of bed. i breathed 'help' several more times before leaving my bedroom and while making coffee and hot chocolate.
help me be kind, help me be loving, help me be joyful, help me be okay without my other half.
after the kids and the pets were fed and watered and dressed and brushed, i returned to the celtic book of prayer. a place that i often return to, a place of history and wisdom, and centering and calm. i found this for May 1st:
Can You remember who i was?
Can You still feel it?
Can You find my pain?
Can You heal it?
Then lay Your hands upon me now
and take this darkness from my soul.
Only You can light my way'
only You can make me whole once again.
(from Crossroads by Don Maclean)
i needed those words - words of healing and wholeness- because yesterday i felt so broken to bits. and those words were the beginning of the grace. then mike called from the airport and his words brought peace. then rose and i drove to kampala to pick up bryn in a desperate rain storm, but i arrived to coffee and the kind smile and wise words of my friend ruth saying that sometimes when you've planned your visit home, only then the aching for it begins. it came in a friend stopping in to watch the two older ones i'd left home alone. it came in the words 'i'm sorry', which is usually the beginning of healing. it came in the patience that my children had for me, and their laughter. it came in several sweet emails and messages from people far away- saying that i'm not alone.
that grace came raining down on me - because i asked for it. because i held up my empty hands and said 'i've got nothing, please fill me'.
'yet this i call to mind and therefore i have hope, because of the Lords UNFAILING LOVE we are not consumed. ' lamentations 3
i awoke to mike whispering 'good bye' and saying a short prayer, then i fell back asleep to the rain. then in came rose and jude, i could hear the whining of the puppy, and more rain.
i breathed, 'help' before stepping out of bed. i breathed 'help' several more times before leaving my bedroom and while making coffee and hot chocolate.
help me be kind, help me be loving, help me be joyful, help me be okay without my other half.
after the kids and the pets were fed and watered and dressed and brushed, i returned to the celtic book of prayer. a place that i often return to, a place of history and wisdom, and centering and calm. i found this for May 1st:
Can You remember who i was?
Can You still feel it?
Can You find my pain?
Can You heal it?
Then lay Your hands upon me now
and take this darkness from my soul.
Only You can light my way'
only You can make me whole once again.
(from Crossroads by Don Maclean)
i needed those words - words of healing and wholeness- because yesterday i felt so broken to bits. and those words were the beginning of the grace. then mike called from the airport and his words brought peace. then rose and i drove to kampala to pick up bryn in a desperate rain storm, but i arrived to coffee and the kind smile and wise words of my friend ruth saying that sometimes when you've planned your visit home, only then the aching for it begins. it came in a friend stopping in to watch the two older ones i'd left home alone. it came in the words 'i'm sorry', which is usually the beginning of healing. it came in the patience that my children had for me, and their laughter. it came in several sweet emails and messages from people far away- saying that i'm not alone.
that grace came raining down on me - because i asked for it. because i held up my empty hands and said 'i've got nothing, please fill me'.
'yet this i call to mind and therefore i have hope, because of the Lords UNFAILING LOVE we are not consumed. ' lamentations 3
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