magnificent

 








i sat outside on the deck overlooking the lake and it was magnificent. cool, wet, whiteout like snow. i could look out and be anywhere. northern italy in the cold, north carolina mountains with the fog rising and the clouds hovering- or here- where i am- western uganda.

it was good to get away. lake bunyoni. 3 days. 5 friends. it was good to be myself apart from what makes up most of me and my days- those 4 precious ones.  because when i get away, i breathe and laugh and sleep and laugh more and hear other peoples stories and struggles and triumphs. and breathing and laughing and sleeping are good, but it also reminds me to savor the ones back home. and when i hear their bubbly little voices on the phone, i am filled with love and thanks.

but i savor these moments with my friends in a deep and rich way.  because i still remember when the sky remained closed, the sun didn't return, and the storm of zoe hung on tightly.  i remember months and years of her storminess disabling me- leaving me defeated, deflated and withered- leaving me empty and hollow- with out laughter or breath. when there was nothing magnificent about the storm, when there was no hope of it passing. so to be able to go away, to be with out worry, or anxiety, or the need to talk about her, or the need to feel so small and vulnerable- feels so good. to be able to relax. to find myself whole and put back together again- that is truly magnificent. 

look, the sky opened. the sun came out. the storm did move over the mountain.














i am filled with love and thanks.