on yoga and life

i just went to a yoga class.  the first one in a very long time. and it was really good.  i went for two reasons- to feel my body again, to open up those closed spaces- and to meet people.  the class is taught by one of the mothers at the school and on thursdays it meets at one of the other mothers houses.  it was a beautiful house, up on mbuya hill, with a beautiful and enormous upper level porch.  that is where we did yoga- on this tiled porch up in the trees.

i felt many things.  a little sore and tight, very 'at home' in a familiar way- other expats, the typical 'yoga music' playing, and also i felt very thankful that i could feel this while looking out over the wild lushness, knowing my feet are planted on african soil.  and as i listened to the calming voice of the instructor telling us where to move which leg and hand, i was reminded of how the routines and rituals of life, keep that steadiness, give that safety.

it was a very different class then what i'd been doing in atlanta.  it was more hatha flow than iyengar.  there was more movement, the poses went from one to the next and i was so happy that i'd spent that year focusing on the slow learning of poses, the alignment.  i was surprised how it felt like getting back on a bike- my body remembered where to go, what to do, what to think about.

there was a point when we were doing a variety of pigeon poses- where i was feeling a lot of tightness in my left hip.  that sore ache like there is air trapped, or something clenched that won't release.  and as often happens when we feel pain, i began tense up everything, to get the other parts involved in solidarity, as if the held breath and the active legs and arms and mind could bear through it together until the pose was over.  but, our teacher said some very helpful and wise things.

be okay with the discomforts of your body, and your life.  they will always come.  breath into the tightness.  give your bodies permission to open up in the specific spots that seem closed. give yourselves permission to open up to the areas that are shut.  and that is what i needed to hear again.  stop controlling it.  release.  use your mind, yes, but use it to direct your body not to distract your body. and the situation reversed. the permission was given from the top down and it worked.  my leg let go, the hip opened, the pain slowly left and i was able to reach a new place. 

after class the teacher asked what type of yoga i'd done before.  i'll be honest, i was totally psyched that she could tell i had at least a basic idea of what 'downward dog' is.  i told her it was iyengar yoga.  she seemed interested but said she couldn't do it- not enough movement.

i get that.  if yoga has personalities, mine is not iyengar- it's probably more bikram (the hot yoga).  iyengar is focused and precise and all about learning the correct alignment.  it is slow and patient, spending 90 minutes on a few poses- doing them again and again with the slightest correction, listening to our teacher who would explain which muscle to listen to in order to balance the pose.  i learned a lot.  i learned the poses, but i also learned about being still.  i learned in a complicated season of life, the value of being patient, of holding the pose even when i felt i would tip over or the burn of a muscle that couldn't take it anymore.  i learned that sometimes you have to stick with it, even when it hurts, even when it's boring, even when everything in you wants to move, to change, to go on.

it made me think again of the seasons of life.  that there are times for each, and in each there are lessons to be learned.  times to be still and patient, and times for movement.   because in both, we need to breath, we need to release, we need to create space, to let go, we need to be okay with the difficult things.  we need to give ourselves permission.