lessons

i'm thankful for sunshine. for sisters. for being reminded that it's ok to have a bad day or even a bad week. that these moments don't define us although they will if we let them. but i do get tired of myself having to learn the same lessons over and over again.

every so often, when things get crazy around my house, or i should say, more crazy, i go into lock down mode. maybe this stemmed from realizing that my "character quality of the week" - obedience vs. stubbornness - has been on the fridge for 7 months! not because i really like it and i've continued to put up the other character qualities, but because it's so hard for my kids, that we haven't been able to move on. or maybe it's because i have an uncountable number of goodie bag "toys" all over my house- and other small broken pieces of toys that have escaped from the bin under the bed called "purgatory" (where toys wait for a while and if not asked for- go bye bye) that seem to serve only as points of asserting ones power rather than actually being played with. "that's mine!" if someone else has it. alternating with "that's not mine!" if it needs to be cleaned up. or perhaps it 's because while i've given up wine for lent- OK so i've had a few feast days- the whining in the house has gotten out of control.
so this week i've battened down the hatches, i've tightened up on the reins, because i need to remind three little people who is the boss. so we had a "family meeting". there needs to be clean up and their needs to be no whining- and if not, there will be consequences. and all this falls under the banner of obedience. they looked me in the eyes, they rolled their eyes and they started the "buts..." which was great- because it gave me an opportunity to explain in real time, what i was talking about. and the funniest thing is they, especially jude, love the rules. they act like they don't - but they CRAVE boundaries, they don't want to be in charge although they act like they do. they want to know that mike and i are in control, that the rules are clear, that there are reliable consequences, and that they are safe. this makes them feel safe. feeling bad that they're missing dessert when they've lost it for hitting someone, and then giving it back may make their mouth happy, but actually it's like removing their safety net. kids want to know what is expected and they want that to be enforced when they violate it. at least my kids. and if i don't follow through- they push harder, and the craziness escalates.

a few months ago, i had little sticker charts for each kid, with the different things that each child was working on and then we together evaluated how they did at the end of the day. it worked really well- (until the poster board was filled and i didn't make new ones). they were working on their behavior, but they were also learning how to self-evaluate, and self-reflect.

i made my self a chart- it hangs over my kitchen sink-
i don't get any stickers on mine, but like the character quality of the week- i still have a long way to go.