the dogwood

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the flowers on the korean dogwood are almost gone. that beautiful tree perched like a white peacock at the edge of the yard where it meets the small forest of mostly maple trees. it only blooms for the month of june. so now there are only a few scattered white spots in a sea of green that is my back yard.

it is lush. it is the rainy season. apparently, this year, new england has a rainy season. it's as green as uganda in the rain but the shapes and sounds don't match. the bird song is different. the rain song is different. the roof material that it hits is different. ratios of pavement to dirt, different and the force and pause of there, are replaced by the soft constancy of here. 

i am not soft and constant. maybe that is my problem. 

i am longing for the force and the pause. 

today i feel like i have become a very old woman. my children are gone and my house is quiet and time itself has changed. just yesterday that dogwood bloomed now it has joined the rest of the them in their sameness. 

it's hard to feel like you don't belong.

i admit that i long for things that have past. places and times and ages. 

but this season right here, summer, it's as close as i will get, so i need to cherish it. rain or shine, because it is so full of life.