advent time

 

 

 

 

this may be the longest time i've gone with out posting.  i started to write in september again, then in october and then november but always interrupted, never finished and here we are now in december. coming on Christmas. advent. favorite time. 

i still feel a bit like i'm living in two places, heart split. uganda creeps up on me in the strangest of places. standing in line to checkout at a store, i'll flashback to the TMT market-images fire before me, the faces, the products, the light coming in through the door, the sound of tape strapping the boxes together to put groceries in. or i'll open my mouth to speak spanish to a patient and luganda will fall out instead. or i will long for tea time to happen at work. for prolonged eye contact when people greet and sincerity in the "how are you?" and i find myself missing the follow up "and how is the family?" but i no longer feel the need to tell everyone i've just moved from uganda, or to bring out my ugandan drivers license as my id. my identity is not wrapped up there- but my heart still is. always will be. 

i'm here now. for now. for a long while.

my sister just bought a farm. it looks amazing. 18+ acres in north carolina with an old farm house and out buildings. there are ponds, raised beds, fenced areas and wild.

there is something about connecting to the earth, getting grounded, planting oneself that calls to some part of me, a part that must be central to being human. like we are meant to til soil, nurture seedlings, watch things grow and then harvest. the cycle of the seasons, of life. 

a part of me wants that. i see the beautiful pictures of the house and all that land and the dogs running freely and i can hear the peace and quiet. i can hear the call to be still. the invitation to experience what can grow inside of you when you tether. 

but.

i have come to know myself and i am not one to be tethered. i roam. 

the only place i ever wanted to tether myself was to east africa and even there i wanted a long lead so i could travel all around and then return. 

now we have entered the season of anticipation again. expectant waiting. of longing. of hope. of light. this crazy world, madly spinning, so much, too much, all the time. 

we are invited to pause now. darkness comes earlier. lights in windows. candles on tables. 

a month of preparation for Christmas. to remember the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless Love of God. joining us. knowing us. sharing in the spinning chaos. not to condemn the world but to reconcile, to mend. to heal. to unite. to Love.

we sit in the darkness of december with our little lights.  

we wait expectantly for Love.