from here

it's hard to know where to begin. it's hard from over here to know what to say.  we seem to be standing in a great divide- that seems the farther you get away from it, the more crazily tragic it all is. so much of life now has become snippets, quotes and hashtags. we read headlines and get inflated- we are appalled or we are poignantly moved. we "stand" with victims of tragedy by changing our facebook picture. we brand ourselves with our outrages. we try to find solidarity.

we become known by our alliances - do we welcome the refuge or do we protect our borders? do we hate trump or do we hate hillary? do we hashtag #blacklivesmatter or #alllivesmatter ?  do we stand with paris and belgium or do we include bangladesh and istanbul? do we grieve the loss of lives differently if those who died lived different lives than we do? do we care who marries who, or who pee's where?

tragedy surrounds us. we see from every side the brokenness. we are overwhelmed. it's too much. there is so much anger. there is so much fear. we don't just pick a cause we pick an enemy. anger and fear beg for a target. a channel.

this is where i land- the same place as most of us. the place of what now? silenced by the weight. knowing words are only words.

so i'm left asking myself, am i strong enough to let the anger become sorrow?  can i lean into God and let Her hold up both my hands- a hand for black men and policemen, for children in school and adults at a gay nightclub, for all the suffering that comes at the hand of another person wearing skin no matter what country that suffering is in.

am i strong enough to let it break me? break me open so i can look inside at my own brokenness? my own prejudices, my own hatreds, my own selfishness, my own failings?

am i strong enough to let it change me?

am i strong enough to love through it? to take up my cross and follow? to love my enemies? to love my neighbor? to love myself?

am i strong enough to grieve the truth that i share skin with those who died and those who killed. with those who marry differently, and dress differently. with those who are at a different place in the same path we all walk- a path of evolving consciousness- a path that hopefully leads us into the arms of a deeply loving God- a path that hopefully transforms us, grows us, opens us.

a path that i pray gives me the strength to feel, to break, to change, to love, and to seek the truth.