“The original, shimmering self gets buried so deep that most of us end
up hardly living out of it at all. Instead we live out all the other
selves, which we are constantly putting on and taking off like coats and
hats against the world’s weather.” ~Frederick Buechner
it's the last day of the year. i'm looking back, so thankful for what i've discovered, learned, and grown into. so thankful for how God has worked, patched, remoulded, renewed, restored. so grateful for His ongoing timeless presence. for the continuum of His love. amazed by His provision. in. everything. this past year was a year of surrender. open hands. closed eyes. being led. of waiting. listening. heeding, deferring, obeying. so much is given when less is taken. abundance comes with relinquishment.
there is a self, i mostly wore against my world's weather. a self of control. of pulling myself up by my bootstraps. of false belief that i can gather myself together and will change. this version of self likes to do big things- things like new years resolutions, things like 'none of this' and 'all of that'. this self often lives in extremes and is afraid that with out bold steps nothing will happen. afraid that with out psyching itself up for the game, it will lose. this self looks to outside things to regulate inside things. this self has a plan. always. this self prefers noise to quiet, motion to stillness.
sometimes i read a commentary on a bible story that i've heard and read over 100 times, but something stands out that hasn't before. something means more than it ever did. today it was the story of david and goliath. most people know it. small, young, shepherd boy kills giant enemy fighter with a slingshot and a stone. it's an amazing story for lots of reasons but what spoke to me this time was david's knowledge of his shimmering self in that moment. what spoke to me was david taking off the armor.
the king had given him all of his own heavy protective wear. helmet, breastplate, shield, mighty sword. things to help david win. to give safety. things everyone knew were needed in a battle. things no one would ever question using in a fight. but david knew himself well enough, trusted himself and his God, to know that these items were not for him. not only were they not necessary, they would actually hinder him from success. his mission would have been jeopardized had he tried to do it with other people's tools.
my eager, controlling, fear-based self would have looked at my little slingshot and animal skin covering and thought that of course i needed the kings armor. that part of me would have thought, 'who am i to think i know better?' or perhaps in not wanting to offend the king, i would have ignore my inner self's prodding, and struggled out to the battle field all weighed down with someone else's ideas of what i needed.
i don't know a lot but i know this, we are each made uniquely for a purpose that only we can accomplish, and we can only accomplish it as we are, using what we have been given . maybe most of our years are spend tripping and falling under the heaviness of other people's armor. then there are the seasons of shedding the armor- probably one piece at a time, until we finally lay down the sword of another, and pick up our slingshot. life is the process of getting to know that shimmering true self and living in it. life is for helping each other see when we can't see, who's armor we are really wearing, and reminding each other of the beauty of our simple gathered stones.
tomorrow is january 1st. the first day of 2016. it's also just another friday. a day to wake up to, just like today was. to breathe in. to be in. to look for our shimmering selves in. to lay down our coats and hats and stand in our skin as we face the world's weather.
it's the last day of the year. i'm looking back, so thankful for what i've discovered, learned, and grown into. so thankful for how God has worked, patched, remoulded, renewed, restored. so grateful for His ongoing timeless presence. for the continuum of His love. amazed by His provision. in. everything. this past year was a year of surrender. open hands. closed eyes. being led. of waiting. listening. heeding, deferring, obeying. so much is given when less is taken. abundance comes with relinquishment.
there is a self, i mostly wore against my world's weather. a self of control. of pulling myself up by my bootstraps. of false belief that i can gather myself together and will change. this version of self likes to do big things- things like new years resolutions, things like 'none of this' and 'all of that'. this self often lives in extremes and is afraid that with out bold steps nothing will happen. afraid that with out psyching itself up for the game, it will lose. this self looks to outside things to regulate inside things. this self has a plan. always. this self prefers noise to quiet, motion to stillness.
sometimes i read a commentary on a bible story that i've heard and read over 100 times, but something stands out that hasn't before. something means more than it ever did. today it was the story of david and goliath. most people know it. small, young, shepherd boy kills giant enemy fighter with a slingshot and a stone. it's an amazing story for lots of reasons but what spoke to me this time was david's knowledge of his shimmering self in that moment. what spoke to me was david taking off the armor.
the king had given him all of his own heavy protective wear. helmet, breastplate, shield, mighty sword. things to help david win. to give safety. things everyone knew were needed in a battle. things no one would ever question using in a fight. but david knew himself well enough, trusted himself and his God, to know that these items were not for him. not only were they not necessary, they would actually hinder him from success. his mission would have been jeopardized had he tried to do it with other people's tools.
my eager, controlling, fear-based self would have looked at my little slingshot and animal skin covering and thought that of course i needed the kings armor. that part of me would have thought, 'who am i to think i know better?' or perhaps in not wanting to offend the king, i would have ignore my inner self's prodding, and struggled out to the battle field all weighed down with someone else's ideas of what i needed.
i don't know a lot but i know this, we are each made uniquely for a purpose that only we can accomplish, and we can only accomplish it as we are, using what we have been given . maybe most of our years are spend tripping and falling under the heaviness of other people's armor. then there are the seasons of shedding the armor- probably one piece at a time, until we finally lay down the sword of another, and pick up our slingshot. life is the process of getting to know that shimmering true self and living in it. life is for helping each other see when we can't see, who's armor we are really wearing, and reminding each other of the beauty of our simple gathered stones.
tomorrow is january 1st. the first day of 2016. it's also just another friday. a day to wake up to, just like today was. to breathe in. to be in. to look for our shimmering selves in. to lay down our coats and hats and stand in our skin as we face the world's weather.
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