23

i have been meditating on the 23rd psalm.  when i say meditating, i mean reading it, trying to memorize it, and reflecting on it- i wish i was meditating - i'm not quite there yet.  this is one of the psalms of david.  the one about God being our shepherd.  the one about provision. the one about needs being met- no matter what.  the one about care and comfort and protection.

the Lord is my shepherd, i shall not be in want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside still waters,
He restores my soul.
He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake,

yea though i walk through the shadow of death, i will fear no evil, 
for You are with me. your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, 
You anoint my head with oil,
my cup runs over.

surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life 
and i will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

what has been speaking to me most about these words, is the transition from "He" to "You".  in the beginning david talks about God in the 3rd person, but then shifts from speaking about God to speaking to God.

You are with me.

and when this happens is most interesting. this happens in the shadow of death.  this happens in the darkest parts. this happens in the terror and anguish of our lives- God becomes....real.  God becomes personal.  God becomes You, instead of He.

i get this. this transition. this change in awareness of who God is.  this becoming real and known. because it has been in the moments, the seasons, of need and helplessness, when i feel most trapped and scared and alone and unable, that i find the love and provision of God in an undeniable and palpable way.  when i feel the everlasting arms and they are holding me. when God goes from being an idea, to my father. 

maybe for some people they can go with "you" from the beginning. but not me.  i know that the hardest things i've walked through (some of them over and over again) have given me the gift of knowing the realness of God.  have given me the opportunity to feel those everlasting arms.

those same arms that were leading me here and there and making me rest beside nice places, became known in those dark valleys. in those hardest and worst ever times, when i am at my most lonely or scared or unlovable place- to know that i am loved and held and know and most importantly not alone- that is for me, it's worth it.  to know that.

 You are with me.