unfinished business

i'm having a hard time with things being left unfinished in my life.  i feel like it keeps happening.  my books come, but i can't unpack because i don't have bookcases.  i go to buy bookcases and the varnish isn't dry so we need to come back.  i go to take out money and the atm isn't working.  i'm at the market and we realize because of the traffic we've run out of time and need to leave to get back for a function, so i can't finish the marketing.  we bought a lantern for when the power goes out, but didn't by the kerosene.  life seems continually unfinished.

when i look around, there is a lot of unfinished. 
roads.  buildings that grow progressively less finished as you move up the stories.  the ground level will be inhabited.  the next level will be complete but vacant, the third level will be painted, but missing doors or windows, the fouth level, unpainted and doorless, and the top might just be some partially constructed skeleton beams- no doors or windows or even walls. 

and this is hard for me, because i'm a finisher.  to the point of being ocd about it.  once it's started, it needs to be finished. i need the morning-time routine - finished, not lingering on for an hour.  i won't leave the kitchen until i've finished putting away what i was cooking with and the dishes are rinsed.  if i've decided it's time to write 'thank you' cards- i can't stop until they are done.

now this can be a great quality.  but it can also be a not so great thing.  i can get a lot done, but i can drive people, including myself, a little crazy.  it's a type A thing and it can get in the way.  when i home school zoe, it gets in the way.  i struggle with flexibility and i struggle with the big picture.  i can get so obsessed with completion that i lose focus on what we were completing.  i lose the learning goal in the finishing goal.  and it leaves me constantly feeling like Rabbit from Winnie the pooh. 
"we've got to keep on schedule!" 
and i hate Rabbit from Winnie the pooh.  i always wanted to be kanga or tigger or even owl- but not rabbit. 

today was the boys first day of school.  jude cried and said he wanted to be home-schooled.  zoe was begging to please go to school and not be home-schooled.  bryn we pretty much fine.  i need to jump into it with zoe.  i need to pay attention to her.  i need to shift gears.  i need to transition out of transition mode and into routine, into regular. but i have some fear in starting.

it's probably all related to the unfinished business.  the problem with being a finisher is that starting can be intimidating- because you know yourself- you know what starting means- so it's a big commitment.

maybe it needs to be broken into bits.  maybe it needs to be taken in pieces, in weeks, in days, in moments.  maybe my finishing needs to be broken down too.  maybe success needs to be redefined.
at least i have the lantern, picked out the bookcases, got the bare necessities at the market.  at least someone is occupying the first floor, while the rest is built.  maybe zoe's learning process while she works on the task at hand.  and maybe that is what i'm still learning too.