predictability and control

i'm perched on the arm of our wicker couch- the only square foot in the house where i can get reception for my wireless adapter enabling me to be online when the power is out, which it is, about half the time as best as i can figure out.  and really, it's the lack of system, the lack of schedule that makes me crazy.  there is no dependability, no routine to it- these black outs.  so you start the laundry and you can't finish it- you start to do work on the computer and out goes the power.  your playing a game or doing homework and you're suddenly in the dark- stumbling around for a candle or a flashlight.


i've said it before about stress- but i'll say it again. stress is dramatically increased when the difficult situation is unpredictable.  we do much better as humans when we can prepare for things, whether it's our childs behavior (knowing the triggers that cause a meltdown predictably) or whether it's a power outage.


but i'm wondering if this is an american reaction.  florence, our uganda house helper, just takes it in stride.  "yes, the power it is off again, all day it has been off, and the water was off too."  with no tone of annoyance, no tone of assumption that it shouldn't be this way- or that it is causing stress or inconvenience.  it's like life is unpredictable - so why get all worked up about one small part of life.  my luganda teacher came to class 45 minutes late today, "well, you know it was raining where i came from, and everything slows when it rains."  that is life here.  the expectation is that things will be hard, or broken, and that life is random.  there might be sugar at the market, or not.  i might make it to class, but i might not.  that washing machine might be here tomorrow, or it might not.  here, there is this global sense of no control. of dis-empowerment.  

i think having control is an american value.  or maybe an expectation.  we operate under the assumption that things should work, things broken should be fixed, that inconveniences should be addressed, systems should be put in place to remedy things and that we have at least some control in this.  in fact we get very peeved if we feel we lack control in these matters. we have righteous indignation.  we think we have a claim on things operating smoothly.  like lucy from the Peanuts,  "all i want is my fair share!  all i want is what i have coming to me!"

the other day i was at clinic and i heard the story of a girl.  she came from way up north in a village.  when she was about ten years old, she tested positive for HIV at a school testing clinic. she hid this from her father, and when he found out, he refused to pay her school fees, rejected her from the family and tried desperately to marry her off of older men. eventually she ran away- all the way to the city.  she was now sick and found an aunt to take her in.  her aunt knew of Reach Out clinic and brought her in.  her HIV status was confirmed, she was started on meds, her school fees were paid for by Reach Out, and eventually she finished secondary school, got a job with the clinic, and sends all her money to her siblings back north in the village to pay their school fees.  she recently had a child,  his name is innocent- because she said, he is HIV negative.

her story is not that strange here.  where was her control when she contracted HIV before age 10 (not through a blood transfusion)- what was her 'fair share' in life?  the things she'd experienced were way beyond inconveniences.  the injustice she'd lived with was beyond unpredictable, it was unimaginable.

another woman shared about fleeing the country during the terrible time of idi amin, living for years as a refugee in the congo- losing both her parents and many in her village who were left behind- and marrying early to dissociate from an alcoholic uncle.  then losing many siblings to AIDS, and taking in their children to raise with hers.  where is the control in her life?  how can you fix the broken in that?

so i'm thinking maybe this is where that acceptance comes from.  and life gets put in perspective.