instrument of peace

we don't have a washing machine.

for those of us who've grown up with machines replacing human tasks- we probably haven't spend a lot of time reflecting on: a) what it would be like without them, or b) which machines might be of more value than others.  now having lived with out several of the electric devices of modernity or intermittently the electricity to power them, i would like to give the number one rank of importance to....

the washing machine - scrubbing red mud out of childrens clothing by hand is seriously hard work (not that i've even been doing it - but poor florence has- and i see how hard it is)

we've been going into kampala several times a week and pricing washing machines.  comparative shopping.  what is the right size, the right price, the right style- top loader, front loader etc.  we've been gathering opinions and being, what we thought, were wise consumers.  but.  we live in east africa.  so sometimes you buy sugar even though you don't need it, because the market has been out for 2 weeks.  or, you take your shower in the middle of the day because the water is hot, or you buy the washing machine THAT day, even if you have to smoosh children together in the car to make room for it- because it might not be there next time, or, ever again.


we'd finally decided on the larger 13kg size, which only comes as a top loader, because it's biggest and we have three messy kids.  we found the right price and we found a day when mike could go get it without any kids in the car so transport would be easy.  i was excited.  but not as excited as florence.

when mike got to the store today- it was gone.  sold out.  and we had to laugh because we remembered that this is the way it goes sometimes, especially here.

last night i began reading a very little book that is full of very big ideas.  it's called 'instrument of thy peace' and it's written by the guy who wrote 'cry, the beloved country' (a book that i need to read about south africa).  this book slowly digests the prayer of st. francis of assisi.

'Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace.  Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is sadness, joy; where there is darkness, light.'

i am at the very beginning.  but i'm feeling it's relevance powerfully.

today, after a morning of home schooling, which went relatively well, jude and bryn came home from their new school with hungry mouths and whining voices.  especially jude, who, as best i can tell, is in a state of angst.  disequilibrium.  imbalance. and inner conflict- at least part of the time.  it must just suck to be six- well, part of the time. 
so i'm struggling to with this prayer.  i'm digesting it in bits.

"Lord, make me..." because i can't do it on my own.  i fail to be peaceful without surrender.  i can do it for a few hours- but then, i'm angry or annoyed about something, that is probably irrelevant, and my peace is gone.

"...an instrument.."  something with potential.  something whose purpose requires intervention to be reached- something inert that requires relationship.  something capable of making beauty if operated by the right hands.  if engaged by someone who has the knowledge and will to create the outcome.

"of Thy peace."  the peace God desires for everyone.  true, deep, sustaining peace.  unifying peace.  spreading, reaching, touching, active peace.  and the rest of the first part of this prayer speaks to the 'how' of this peace.  it asks for the ability to be active- to do- to sow, to scatter, to spread, to propagate-  love, pardon, faith, hope, joy, and light.

this resonates.  this calls to me.  this inspires and humbles me.  it's both a call to action and to being still.  it argues complacency- it challenges how we live.  it asks us to look for opportunities and to keep our eyes open.  and it shows the irrelevance of curtains and washing machines.   actually i think it shows the error in where i can easily spend my energy.

we are still 'settling in'.  we haven't yet started our work.  we are laying foundations and building relationships and finding our place in this new community and culture.  next week i start language class, and hopefully some clinical work.  and this, where i am now,  can be the most challenging of places for me to be that instrument of peace- for me to sow those things that bring the peace.  at home.  with my own family.  removed from the places where people are looking.

it can be easier to pardon and love and inspire hope while working in a poor community AIDS clinic than in my own living room with three whining kids.  it can be easier when surrounded by external things, when we are facing the world and the consequences of it's lack of peace.  when we need to choose our response to it.

so my inspiration needs to transform my living room.  this prayer needs to be in my heart, and lived out through my mouth and in my eyes and in the tone of my voice. 

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.