for zoe who has a dozen years

"oh zoe, my zoe i love you so much
may you always be free
oh zoe, my zoe, if you weren't so much you,
i would never know me"

this was a song i made up for you when you were a little girl.  you've always loved music.  and this has become one of my favorites.  i had no idea how true that would be.

that because of who you are- i'd find parts of myself that i didn't know before.  parts that needed exercise, parts that need work.

that because of who you are i'd live my life outside of the box, i'd see many things that my eyes were closed to before, i'd begin an adventure that i'd never have chosen but one that stretches me and challenges me everyday to think differently, to live differently, to bend and not break.

because of who you are i have changed my focus, i have backed away from parts of work that sung to me like the sirens of greek plays, tempting me to find my own glory.

because of who you are i have come to know an amazing group of people, other children who feel the world differently and their parents who love and sacrifice deeply.

because of who you are certain things are so much more beautiful and things that i thought were important are irrelevant and in all of this, is freedom, if i allow myself to see it that way.

because of who you are, i see the lack of value in the size of the house, or the neighborhood, because to you, a house is a house- made of ugandan sticks or made of buckhead bricks.


because of who you are, i start writing and sharing and allowing my vulnerability to be a connection.

because of who you are, i see the value in all living things, insects and rats, and the friendless, and the poor kid on the playground with no shoes, because to you, all are equal.

because of who you are i see the need in people who i might not have noticed before, i see the power in a conversation that i might have been to busy to have, i see the joy that comes when you put people first- in front of (dare i say it...) schedule, or task completion.

i hope this year, i will learn more from who you are, and not squelch it.  that i will expand my box and not shove you into mine.  that i will live in your exuberance and not sour your joy.

you are a light.  a gift.  a treasure. and now you are a big girl.  but you still love that song, and so do i.

happy birthday girl. and thank you.  i thank you.